So, SlimmingWorld isn’t going so well I’ve had about 8weeks where I haven’t really been on plan due to operation. With a lot of the things I eat being out of my control as I’ve been unable to prep or cook for myself. But on the flip to that – all I’ve wanted to eat is crap and food that isn’t so good for me. The high syns. The chocolate. The crisps. The sweets. I’ve really battled my head with I want to loose weight vs I want the crap. It’s like 2 devils on my shoulder. The good one and the bad one. Each trying to persuade me their route is the route I need to take. Currently the devil is winning. I feel like I’ve spiralled out of control.
At my best I lost just over 2stone and I wanted to loose at least another one. Now I feel like I’ve put so much back on I need to re-loose what I tried so hard to loose before.
I went 4weeks after surgery and I’d only gained 1lb which I was surprised it wasn’t more. After a couple more weeks I went and had put 3lb on. I’m being put down as hospital at the moment due to lack of mobility and control – which I wander if that is contributing to the devil winning. I know that I haven’t got weigh in on Saturday. Combined with some I gained at crimbo.
Another element to the devil winning is feeling bad for my partner. Previously I would come home from work and cook the dinner and clean etc as he would put the PlayStation on. Now he is having to have the responsibility of feeding us. I feel bad for this especially days when he is tired – but it has given him an insight to what I do. So maybe – if he’s tired and suggests pizza or chip shop that is opposite our house – I feel bad then making him cook. So, it’s just another contributing factor to the devil winning.
It’s all a choice. It’s will power. And currently my choices are not where they should be. Do I care? Yes. Yes I actually do. I know I feel different and yucky and want to get back on plan. But sharp knives and balancing isn’t such a good mix. Within 3 weeks I should be off crutches back to normal. This cannot happen quick enough!! I need to get my will power back and make better choices