Making Choices

Everyday. Except yesterday.

Gone off the rails

So, SlimmingWorld isn’t going so well I’ve had about 8weeks where I haven’t really been on plan due to operation. With a lot of the things I eat being out of my control as I’ve been unable to prep or cook for myself. But on the flip to that – all I’ve wanted to eat is crap and food that isn’t so good for me. The high syns. The chocolate. The crisps. The sweets. I’ve really battled my head with I want to loose weight vs I want the crap. It’s like 2 devils on my shoulder. The good one and the bad one. Each trying to persuade me their route is the route I need to take. Currently the devil is winning. I feel like I’ve spiralled out of control.

At my best I lost just over 2stone and I wanted to loose at least another one. Now I feel like I’ve put so much back on I need to re-loose what I tried so hard to loose before.

I went 4weeks after surgery and I’d only gained 1lb which I was surprised it wasn’t more. After a couple more weeks I went and had put 3lb on. I’m being put down as hospital at the moment due to lack of mobility and control – which I wander if that is contributing to the devil winning. I know that I haven’t got weigh in on Saturday. Combined with some I gained at crimbo.

Another element to the devil winning is feeling bad for my partner. Previously I would come home from work and cook the dinner and clean etc as he would put the PlayStation on. Now he is having to have the responsibility of feeding us. I feel bad for this especially days when he is tired – but it has given him an insight to what I do. So maybe – if he’s tired and suggests pizza or chip shop that is opposite our house – I feel bad then making him cook. So, it’s just another contributing factor to the devil winning.

It’s all a choice. It’s will power. And currently my choices are not where they should be. Do I care? Yes. Yes I actually do. I know I feel different and yucky and want to get back on plan. But sharp knives and balancing isn’t such a good mix. Within 3 weeks I should be off crutches back to normal. This cannot happen quick enough!! I need to get my will power back and make better choices


Crutches Vs Public Transport

So, I had an operation and had to spend a few weeks on crutches. Me being me – as soon as I could weight bear I went back to work. Many said I shouldn’t. Many would have made use of the 4 week sick note. Not me. Operation on Friday. Worked from home Monday. Anyway. My commute to work. Luckily my partner has driven to the station but it is train and then bus the other end. Being on crutches in an air boot has given me a very small insight to how we as the population treat the disabled. And please I am not saying for one minute this is the same but as I am technically considered disabled with other conditions I see this daily but invisible disabilities are impossible for the population to work around.

So the train comes in and I hop along to the closest door and join the queue. Typically my platform placement did not match where a door was. So, I hop along and join the queue. People are so keen to get on and get a seat that pushing in front of people is apparently very important because it seems all that matters is everyone just thinking about themselves. So I’m stood on crutches with middle aged men and women pushing in front of me until one eagle eyed man spots me and let’s me on ahead of him and he hold back others. I am very grateful and say thank you. So, almost invisible to most as the focus is get on get a seat. I am now on the train. Now let’s try to get a seat. Situated at the end of each carriage is disabled seats. Showing available – so they are not booked seats. I stand next to and say “excuse me please could I sit there”. In return I get a dirty look as the person huffs off to find another seat. So far my journey is going great. Trying to get off the train – I’ve had people literally try to push past me and get on the train whilst I am at the door trying to get off. I just don’t understand this. You can see me. You can see my crutches. You know I’m here as you are physically touching me to get past. Now to get a bus to get me to work. I get on pay for a ticket and as I walk to the disabled seats at the front and whilst I’m still walking to the seat the bus pulls of – I’m already very unstable, the floor is wet and slippery -This just tops it. That’s just getting to work! Repeat this every morning and evening to get to and from work.

It just shows priorities. Instead of using our eyes, looking around and looking out for people who may need additional help. The individual tunnel vision and need for seat is of more importance than looking around and even considering other people. If nothing else this has given me just a small insight as to how hard it must be for people with visible disabilities let alone those with invisible disabilities.

So, if your reading this. All I ask is that you open your eyes. Observe those around you and have some consideration for those more vulnerable people in our communities.

All of the syns…. but so worth it. 

So I’m not a fan of Christmas or my birthday – which is a week before. However. Pancake day… now you’re talking. It’s my favourite day and meal. I love them so much and have done since. Forever!! I’ve been known to do pancake week on the lead up to the day. Teeheee. But this year I thought would be different. I’m on SlimmingWorld and there high syns and even if there not – the toppings are. So last week at weigh in – I was kinda like whatever happens happens. I love pancakes 🥞! 
So I looked about to see how I could make them SlimmingWorld friendly. I could use oats using my HeB, eggs, amongst others. I didn’t fancy the oat ones. But I thought I would try the egg ones…. which is beat up eggs and some sweetener. Which. Let’s be honest here. Is just thin omelettes…. right? Wellll. Yea. Pretty much. But. Actually it was alright. So I made a few of them because except the topping they would be free and filling being that they are protein. Filling up on these a bit. I then went to make a normal batch because I couldn’t have pancake day without proper pancakes. 

Standard the first couple weren’t fab but they were so tassssty. I don’t regret a thing. Lemon curd. Lemon and sugar. Golden syrup. Couldn’t be arsed with Nutella. The faff of trying to spread it etc. So all of the syns happened. But I haven’t used all my syns anyday this week. 

On the other hand I’ve been pretty sick and haven’t eaten much atall. I’ve tried to cram in as speed food as I can in the meals I have eaten and I haven’t used all of my syns everyday either. The other thing being I haven’t done any body magic either as been poorly but have attempted the office today so I have done some today. Not loads but that’s ok. 

It is what it is. It was so worth all the syns. Let’s see what the damage is on Saturday! 

Something always gets in the way. 

You know what I mean right? Always have good intentions and ideas but when it comes to it sometimes it just doesn’t work quite like that. 

For me – it’s often my pain or extreme fatigue that get in the way of any excersise ideas I have. I haven’t managed WiiFit yet this week but I have done 2 x 15 minute walks and a couple of shorter ones and tried to be up and around the office as much as I could. This makes me feel a little better. 

I said on Monday I would WiiFit but was too sore so thought I’ll push it to Tuesday. I was extremely knackered. 

I’ve not been too bad food wise either. I went over my syns by 1.5 so not to bad and then was under the next day. I’ve eaten as much speed food as I can. It probably isn’t the 1/3 of a meal each time but still. I’m trying to use speed food as my snacks during the day where I can instead of reaching for syns. I’m trying to drink more as I’ve realised lately that I drink very little. So The says I have worked from home I have drunk over 4 pints of diluted sugar free squash which is so much better than water Right? I mean I like water but it gets a bit dull. Anyway. I’ve been logging my food and I’m hoping this will help. 

I am trying to increase what I do and it’s making those good choices that will make the difference. 

Where the scales my friend…

Helloo 🙂

So, Saturday morning. Off I went. As I handed my book over I said to the lady “it will be a gain I’m sure” I stepped on the scales to see what the damage was. 1.5lb off! Well! I was pretty happy. But I think my body works behind by a week. Like Saturday last week was a 3lb gain  but I had been good the whole of the week leading up and had lots of speed food (to non SW peeps – that basically food that is supposed to boost your weight loss – mostly veg and most fruits) and this week Pizza was involved and I hadn’t had loads of speed food. So who knows! I couldn’t stay for group this week but I was happy with the number.

Through this blog and my SW journal that I bought this week I am determined to re-gain focus. By reporting here (even if no one reads) and keeping a log. I need to make the good choices.


So today. After work. I am going to try and do some WII Fit dependent on my back as it is very twitchy today. But I will try. On wards and up wards. Happy Monday Guys. New week, new decisions, new choices.


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